BS Productivity Tips

August 3, 2020
lifestlye
  1. Have a heading-to-work routine

When working from home, it’s vital that your day starts like any other. This might seem simple, but it is crucial in making sure you’re as late, stressed and overwhelmed as you typically would be. Being away from the office is no excuse to pretend you have the luxury of arriving early to work, well dressed, and just off the back of a 10km run. Snooze your alarm, spill your coffee on your crisp white shirt and swear profusely at your car’s dead battery even if you’re not leaving the driveway.

  1. Create a schedule & stick to it

Find when you work best and stick to it. Not an early bird? Start your day at 11:30pm! Have lunch at 3am! Don’t work well ever? Clock off as soon as you’ve clocked on! Your laziness will thank you!

  1. Define boundaries between home space and workspace

Struggling to separate your work and home lives? Strategically arrange Police / Crime Scene tape around your study to make sure your partner and children are too terrified to come anywhere near you! Wipe tomato sauce all over the walls with your hands for an even better effect. Don’t have a study? Build a super cool fort out of binders and dividers and pretend you are the king of your own post-it kingdom.

  1. Look after yourself

Don’t forget to look after yourself by maintaining self-care habits. Exercise (you’re right to eat an entire packet of Tim-Tams). Get adequate rest (digest said packet of Tim-Tams). Have a bath (in water, not in Tim-Tams. That would be gross).

  1. Take regular breaks

Finally, a reason to get cracking into that sourdough recipe; procrastination! Need to get work done but plain old just don’t want to do it? Spend 3 hours making a sandwich and call it a lunch break! The incentive of KPI’s have nothing on RNB’s (Really Nice Breads).

  1. Go outside

Finding the noise of screaming home-schooled children and your now unemployed partner’s Stan binges are hindering your ability to get anything done? Venture outdoors and try replacing said distractions with new and inspiring distractions. Go to Starbucks! Realise they are takeaway-only! Be that random weirdo sipping an extra-foam-extra-hot-caramel-1/4 shot-latte writing his bestselling novel sitting on the footpath outside! Be soothed by the deluge of Karens hollering at the staff that they’re not allowed to sit down inside and discuss Eat Pray Love at length! You’ll be amazed how much you’ll feel like banging your head against a wall like you usually do at the office.

  1. Pump the tunes

Can’t concentrate from the sound of the neighbour’s incessant leaf-blowing and whipper-snippering? Put on a playlist! Some may suggest a Hans Zimmer marathon or maybe the classic death metal / jazz fusion. You may however just need the stimulating sounds of document sorting, keyboard tapping and printer jamming to truly get yourself into the corporate mindset. If the endless ‘Office Ambience’ YouTube videos aren’t enough you can always clog the kitchen tap for a cheap and convenient dripping-water-cooler imitation.

  1. Use the right tools & equipment

Finding yourself squirming in your ergonomic office chair? Get some more blood to your brain by strapping your feet to the roof and hanging like a bat. Duct tape your keyboard to the floor. Sticky tape your phone to the wall. Watch productivity (and the size of the veins on your head) triple!

  1. Stay away from social media

Although it may be the only platform that lets us pretend we are outside, your social media feeds are probably only going to be depressing drivel about how the world is falling apart anyway. Why look at memes about how hard it is to get any work done from home when you yourself have become a living breathing meme thanks to your inability to concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes? It is far too tempting to watch the neighbour trim her exquisite roses, or the poor postie trying to jam your enormous Amazon parcel into your little letterbox. Hilarious! Wait, what was I saying?

  1. Have excessive amounts of meetings

Thought working from home meant finally having a break from your incessantly petulant colleagues and co-workers? Think again! Introducing the Working 2, Zoom Boogaloo! Featuring the original cacophony of deadlines and terms such as ‘as per my last email’, you can now enjoy the added features of ear-shattering microphone static, 90s-paced internet speed and awkward apologising as five people perpetually start talking at once, then stop, then start again. Who’s even running this bloody meeting?!

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